I do not like where I am in life. There I said it. This is not where I imagined I would be. I am single, unemployed, on public aid and just generally unhappy (I’m not overly depressed or anything – just unhappy).
It makes me angry when people around complain about their jobs and other things they are doing to go on to the next step of their lives while I can’t seem to find a job ANYWHERE or do anything right. No, I take that back: I have been offered jobs selling possible scam health insurance in the northern suburbs, but there’s now way I can make it up there on a daily basis so I have no other options. I don’t know what it is about me that is so unhirable. I know that anyone reading this would say “It’s not you - it’s the economy. Things will get better. You aren’t the only one this is happening to,” but it doesn’t feel that way. I’m not the type of person who can just sit around and do nothing all day – in fact, I’m the complete opposite: I have actually been told (multiple times) to stop being so fast and thorough. I need to have something to do or else I’ll go crazy but yet I’m not even qualified to make coffee. Am I still underqualified after all of these years of internships and random jobs? Does that whole overqualified thing actually exist and I’m suffering from that? Am I too ambitious or have too high of standards? I’m so glad that I decided to start interning (Go Alexi!) but it would be even better if I got paid because I am broke and almost completely financially dependent on Mike (my ex-fiancé) and his family because my dad doesn’t like to buy food or give me any money when I ask for some (which actually isn’t even that often).
So to reiterate: I do not like where I am. But I’m vowing to change it.
I don’t believe in new years resolutions because people don’t usually follow them. However, I am vowing to myself that although I may not like where I am approaching my 25th birthday (I’ll probably just lay in bed and cry the entire day), my life will be radically different when it’s time to celebrate my 26th.
Therefore, I am announcing the official commencement of Operation: Get My Life Together. This involves tackling the four things that are making me unhappy: my unemployment, my living situation, my weight/body and my relationship status.
Unemployment: This is both simple to define and hard to achieve. I apply to many positions a month but I rarely hear back from them and they all get around 300 applications. I created a website to advertise myself a little bit better and have almost completely revamped my resume and cover letter. It would be really nice to have some money in my bank account. I’m not entirely sure what else to do but I’ll keep working on it. Maybe if Alexi wins the primaries and democratic nomination, I can get a paid staffer position until the general election (but I won’t get my hopes up). Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Living situation: This one is relatively easy – I need to get a job so I can move out of my dad’s place. I don’t like it there. It’s really upsetting living with a drunk who doesn’t talk to you when he’s actually there. I spend most of my time with the Jordan’s when I’m not interning at their house so I’m not always alone.
Weight: I will never be skinny. I know this and I accept it – mostly because I wouldn’t want to be skinny. I love my curves. However, I would like to tighten them up and maybe hate stairs a little less. Therefore, Mike’s mom and I got gym memberships so we can get into better shape. So far I am failing at losing actual weight but I’m hoping I’m gaining muscle instead because I think I’m starting to tone up. I mostly just want to get into better shape but my goal is to be able to wear a bikini during the day and cheap skank wear at night during the summer.
Relationship: I want someone who loves me and is willing to say so without prodding from me. That’s it. But I don’t want to start dating until I have the rest of my life together. Le sigh.
These are my goals for the next year. Now I just have to figure out how to achieve them…
2 comments:
I love you. You aren't alone. I hear the same thing everyday and feel discouraged and wothless too. Kepp your chin up girl.
Great post. Have you tried using facebook to get your employment status out there? (Maybe you have already, but a friend of mine posted on her status "I've got extra resumes, anybody want one?" or some variation thereof, and 8 people responded that they'd help her out.)
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